Tuesday, December 9, 2008


A topic that comes up often in MRA discussion is chivalry, when it comes up, I always think of something I dealt with when I was younger. Whenever I walked into a building, if a woman was behind me, (actually, if anyone was behind me) I would hold the door open for her, as I was taught to do. Some women actually thanked me, but most gave a sort of grunt and hurriedly moved on; one even rolled her eyes when I held the door. I decided that maybe women appreciated that behavior in men that were more attractive than I was, or at least men who were older. I decided to accept my situation and stopped holding doors in most cases. I let women get their own doors and simply decided I wasn't going to bother anyone.

What I noticed next puzzled me for quite a while. After I stopped holding doors, women acted as if I were rude. It seemed I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn't. Then it occured to me: women perhaps wanted everyone to hold open doors, but only wanted to acknowledge a certain few of the men who did so. From what I observe, women do not appreciate any thing that might be regarded as chivalry from men they do not consider attractive; instead they expect those men to perform chivalry as duty. It is only appreciated as a self-initiated act when the man has enough attractiveness or social status.

To be honest, I am all for holding a door for anyone behind me, but I really am not interested in reinforcing my "low-status" to some woman whose position over me is largely in her head.